the nonsensical musings of a clueless twenty something

Internal Scrubbing and Resolving to Remove the Rationality of Multi-Everythings

My creative tics have been a little out of whack as of late due to my gravitation toward daily elation (some people call it “love,” but I’m attempting to become more Inuit-like (Get it? Anyone? Please?))

(I’m biased toward my own (assumed) levels of funniness…it’s unhealthy)

So, bear with me (this saying is trite and confusing).

Being the self-proclaimed queen of retrospects and introspects, and being that the New Year has recently fallen down around our shoulders, I figured it completely necessary to write on the topic of Resolutions.

(You. Are. Welcome.)

Resolutions are fun. I mean, honestly. Who wouldn’t want to set a firm, year-long goal with the only benefit being constant self-chastisement and extreme guilt in the way of forfeiture to Twinkie cravings?

Am I alone in this?

The surge of bodies mulling around the gym this week was all the evidence needed to assume that people are resoluting to…resolve…the same things they always have.

Issues at the superficial level (epidermal (stratum corneum (whatever))).

I’m okay with this. I have dedicated many past resolutions to the ideology of human fitness. Truth is, it’s the easiest thing to examine in ourselves and set forth in mending.

Typical Process:

1. Commit to a gym membership (sometimes a trainer)

2. Buy protein

3. Follow a meal plan

4. Decide that 5 a.m. is suddenly way too early to go to the gym

5. 2 for 1 sale on Little Debbie’s snack cakes

6. Gain all weight back

7. Wallow in self-pity

8. Buy bigger pants

9. Lather, Rinse, Repeat next year

I’m not judging these people.

I typically am these people.

So, this year…I’ve opted to dig a little deeper.

When I was little, my Mom was always telling me to turn the volume down on the television. My retort, obviously, was that I couldn’t hear it if I turned it down. She would then look at me (sternly), and advise that if I would sit still and be quiet, I would be able to hear just fine.

Having the mind of a hyperactive child, this notion was complete and total nonsense to me.

I could be mobile, do eight other things at once, and still keep an eye on the TV, Mom. Multitasking! And in order to do this I needed heightened levels of noise.

She always won, though. I was forced to choose what I wanted to invest myself in. She was also right (cringe). When I sat still and paid attention, I could hear everything that I needed to…loud and clear.

Little did I know that this madness would foreshadow my entire adulthood.

Hereforeto and whatever, this brings us to the foundation of my New Year’s Resolutions.

Identify the things in my life that I want to work toward and give them my undivided attention.

1) Work on My Spiritual Relationships:

A lot of times, being a Christian for me is like crash dieting. I do it until I get the results I want, and then slowly I move away from the healthy habits I’ve formed. Before I know it, I’ve completely lost touch with my spirituality and I’m back to square one. The nurturing of this relationship is one that sets the foundation for my direction and has become the starting point to many other relationships and facets of my life.


2) Be More Thankful:

It is very difficult for me to say “Thank you.”

Not for small things, like the door being held open or someone handing me something. I have passive “Thank you”-s down to a science. What’s difficult for me to address are the people in my life who make it a good place to be. The people I love deserve to know how blessed I feel to have them, and why. They deserve to have me look them in the eye and say, “Thank you for choosing me,” “Thank you for helping me,” “Thank you for teaching me.” It’s easy to assume that people understand your gratitude for their presence and movement in your life. I know from experience, however, that this isn’t the case. They’re worth the 30 seconds of sincerity, and great things can come from voicing recognition of their efforts.

3) Invest Fully:

If life were a Nordstrom’s, I’d float through the store, try on every pair of shoes, drape myself in jewelry and scarves, smell every bottle of perfume, touch every item of clothing, paint my face with makeup, and walk out without buying a thing (in real life this would never happen. Nordstrom’s is my heroin).

I am a huge fan of experiencing things. I’m not, however, a fan of investing in them wholly and without abandon (another trite and confusing saying). Scratch that, I’m totally a fan of investing wholly and without abandon (but only for the first 25 minutes). This year, I’d really like to finish everything I begin. And, if for some reason I can’t, I’d like to tie up the loose ends and file it away (I’m bad at this, too).

4) Do More Self-Checking (if you were to take that literally it would seem downright inappropriate):

On my coed soccer team, when I get the ball, I constantly hear people telling me to “take my time.” I basically just want to get rid of the ball as fast as I can, regardless of who I pass it to (and a lot of times it’s the other team (I’m awful)).

This translates over to my life skills as well.

I have a habitual tendency toward snap-judgments, decisions, and opinions. A lot of these can gravitate into the arena of all-things-negative (this arena sucks). Sometimes if I stop and ask myself, “why are you angry?” or “why are you saying no?” or “what are you afraid of?” — I’ll get the answers, “because I’m jealous” or “because I’m lazy” or “everything.”

Sometimes if you ask yourself the right questions, and give yourself the time to be honest, the ability to be genuine in your delivery of everything is much, much, easier.

5) Love Better:

This is a big one for me as I’ve recently found someone who makes me want to examine all facets of my life. I’ve never taken the idea of my sporadic, inadaptable life into consideration on behalf of another human being (I’m selfish. Sorry ’bout it).

Think of it this way. You are a zamboni (this is fun, isn’t it?). Your life is the ice.

When I’m driving my zamboni, I haphazardly cover the area. There is no method to my madness. Who cares if I’ve covered some areas twice and others only sort of? This is my ice, and I’m entitled to my own reckless zamboni-ing (I’m ridiculous. Sorry (that I’m not sorry)).

This is all fine and wonderful…until someone I really like comes to skate on my ice.

And then you feel all…exposed. And sort of embarrassed at your inability to upkeep properly.

Some areas dip, some areas are choppy, other areas have completely melted away. And if that person loves you the way that you love them, they’ll navigate through the madness to the best of their ability (with patience and lots of hugging).

However, if you love them the way that they love you, you’ll do everything in your power to make the navigation through, into, and around your life easier for them.

You see, working on the first 4 of this list will allow number 5 to come with greater ease.

So that’s where I’m at.

Basically I’m going to do a full body cleanse of the life-altering kind.

I just want to be better.

What are your resolutions this year, people?


My statistics told me so. Your cover is blown.

Don’t worry, I’m flattered.

And, in keeping with #2 on this list, I’d like to extend a huge Thank You to all that find themselves here reading my words. It’s a small but very huge thrill to me, and knowing that others can share in something that I feel so passionately about is a serious blessing.

I love you all.

This entry was published on January 5, 2012 at 4:44 pm. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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