I fell in love. I’m not talking about the kind that makes you say, “I could coexist with you and not hate it.” I’m talking the kind that makes you say things like, “Why yes, I would love to move across the country and forfeit my stability in order to take up space in your arms” or “Live in a cardboard box? Yes, I would. For you I would do that.”
Long story (trite story) short, we broke. No mas.
Love makes you do crazy, irreverent things. For the good when you’re in it, for the bad when you’re out of it.
Sometimes you’ll do things that make you question what lunatic monster took over your brain. You’ll look back on your questionable acts and be moderately embarrassed for the drunk phone calls, the drunk texts, the drunk Facebooking (technology is hell-bent on destroying us, I swear).
Yep. I’ve made myself look pretty damn stupid (and now I’m blogging about it?). I’ve defied all previous positions I held on self-worth and being an independent woman with control over life. I lost it. Completely and totally. And it was ugly.
And now? Thinking about it makes me laugh a little. I know who I am, and an over-emotional lush wasn’t ever in my list of characteristics. However, I’m glad that I experienced something that made me feel so many of the emotions on life’s spectrum. Doesn’t that mean it was worth something?
A while ago I commented on a friend’s post. I told her that keeping touch with who you are and what you want is necessary on your journey to and from and in and out of relationships.
We’ve all compromised a little of who we are when it comes to the opposite sex. But this time? I let go of myself completely.
That’s a character flaw. One that I will readily accept and dwell on.
But really, I feel like a lot of women are like this. They find something that they want and they will bend and break themselves apart to fit perfectly into someone else’s world.
What is that?
Anyway, I’m back on the path to normality. I have 15 days until I’m flying into Italy. A little less than 60 days until graduation.
Do you know what that means? I never have to go back to school. Ever again. Ever.
I survived the last 5 years of life working multiple jobs and carrying a full course load. And I’m going to finish with honors.
I survived the last 5 years of screwed up relationships and letting people make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. And I’m going to prove them all wrong.
I survived the last 5 years without a map or directions or any guarantee that it would ever work out like it was supposed to. But it is, and it will.
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” — M. Scott Peck
Life is a blessing, and sometimes you have to go a little crazy to recognize it. Just make sure you get back quick enough to enjoy it.